Dear Harvey

My name’s Matt, and I’m a sex addict, also known as a man.
However all the ladies I know seem to be as obsessed with sex as I am.
But I’m also addicted to weed,
And when I want a bud, I don’t feel the need to make the dealer bleed
Even when he’s dry.
When I roll a spliff, I don’t lose my shit,
I don’t intimidate or lose grip or act like a dick.
And when the bag is gone I just get on with it,
I don’t cry.
I’m also hooked on cigarettes
And after fifteen years I put my strength to the test.
And even in those first few days I didn’t lash out at anyone and I still haven’t yet.
I’ve known smack heads and coke heads, salt of the earth.
Despite destroying their bodies, their souls had worth;
They never robbed anybody, fought anybody, hurt anybody
At least not wilfully.
Not even when they quit.
I have students addicted to their mobile phones.
And when I take them away in class they might moan.
But they never get aggressive
Or lower the tone,
Unless they’re a total prick.
My name’s Matt, and I’m a sex addict.
When my wife’s not in the mood I just deal with it.
Never once strayed away in a relationship.
So when you start peering, leering, interfering, blackmailing, intimidating, groping and raping,
Just admit.
A hard line junkie would just pay for it.
So it’s not really fair to blame it all on addiction;
Act like a victim with some rare infliction
There’s no excuses, nowhere you can run.
Most probable you’re just a cunt.


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