Tinny Temper

21st century don’t mean to moan
And of course you’re free to do whatever with your phone
But what I can’t condone in a public arena
Is tinny music from tiny speakers
For years the bus has been the preferred setting
On my nerves your nerve is trying and getting
Is it for the passengers or just for yourself?
What crime did we commit for this punishment dealt?
And although this habit and shit taste go hand in hand
It’s not the style of tune it’s the cheek and you understand
Remember in London two girls in front of me
Some wank mid naughties radio RnB
One turns to the other smug look on her face
“You know why I pump tunes on the 168?
Cos I know it’s getting on everyone’s tits
And not a single one is going to say shit”
The most grating point about this is she was right
And she looked rough as hell so I kept my lip tight
Last flight I took there was a kid 3 rows in front
And I could hear tick ticking of a supposed thump
His Mum sitting next to him not saying a word
Not a dicky bird from anyone else, seems absurd
Is it me, am I the problem? Does no one else care?
Gritting my teeth and gripping my chair
Until eventually couldn’t stand it anymore
Couldn’t see the stewardess and pushed the button to call
“Sorry to be a bore but could you ask that kid to stop?
It’s been half an hour and I think I’m going to top myself”
She felt I was being unfair
But begrudgingly walked over to the kid’s chair
“I’m sorry sir to say” then motioned this way
“That man wants you to turn off your music, that okay?”
Filthy daggers shot over from these minging looking goblins
Like I’m being unreasonable and it’s me who’s got the problem
But slowly I see other heads turning round
Giving winks, mouthing thanks, offering fists for me to pound
And this was comforting sure but I still don’t understand
Why was I the first to raise my hand?
Standing on top of a mountain over Lake Garda
To get there we had to take a boat and cable car
The most incredible view but there’s some kids and their father
Blasting reggaeton and Nicki Minaj
Are you fucking kidding?! Taking the piss?
No more serene paradise than this
Did you see the view and feel the breeze?
“The birds are singing but I know what this needs
Gasoline and Superbass
Let’s give all these mountain twats a taste”
And once again, no one complained
You could see the rage quietly contained
So it’s back to the girls on the bus who admitted
It’s not for the music, but for little gits
To mark their territory with auditory piss
And I propose we put an end to this
So next time some knob is spewing out shite
I’ll get out my Bose and blast Wuthering Heights
And if that doesn’t work I’ll just smash their phone
Cos tinny music in public should never be condonedIMG_5031


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