V

IMG_4089They’re saying dairy is scary
But it’s also delicious
A knob of butter star features in most of my dishes
From curry to mash from salmon to eggs
Well those last two anyway make me a harbinger of dead
But what is being said cows are pumped with steroids
And the calfs are being ripped away and mothers’ souls are destroyed
And I can understand why vegans are a little more than annoyed
When the negatives are clear
But the majority won’t hear
They won’t listen
Just like a smoker
Like a Trump or Brexit voter
And when I say they I really mean we
But there’s just no changing me
I need yoghurt, cereal, coffee and tea
And what about cheese? Have you considered cheese?
That means pizza, lasagna, burgers
Weighing up delicacies and murders
Was vegetarian for four years
Have I not done my time?
Is it not now fine for me to flow full fat like it’s wine?
And dark chocolate i suppose it’s fine
But remember when Cadbury’s were in their prime?
I could live without meat but I’m a good Irish boy
I didn’t get this big from almond or soy
And what do vegans do when watching telly?
Without Ben and Jerry expanding my belly
But writing this I’m not being defiant
I’m just saying on milk I’m heavily reliant
I don’t want to be one of those FriendFace twats
Who need to speak up when confronted with facts
“Well I had a steak today and it was lovely and bloody”
No I’m trying to say that the vegans are above me
I get that it’s cruel and it makes me barbaric
And I’m kind of hoping my v friends don’t see this
But when someone cares about life don’t act like a dick
They’re the rehab, we’re the addicts


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