RC Riding Hood

Lil Red Riding skipping through the wood
Wolf perks up by the heat of her hood
What is she wearing? Should be ashamed
The wolf is a beast so who is to blame?

“Off to Granny’s” tells the man with the axe
Loudly I might add, setting herself up for attacks
“This lil girl has got it coming
I can get there before her if I start my running”

Knocks on the front door “Please come in”
“Jesus Christ woman, anyone I could’ve been.
No wonder your granddaughter seems so loose
With you as a role model got no choose”

“But Lil Red Riding helps me out
Speaks three tongues, plays piano and flout
Top of the class she’s smart no doubt”
“Not clever enough to choose a different route

“A babe in the woods is asking for trouble
In scarlet robes my heart beats double
And skipping along, singing her song
What? You expect me to be strong?

“Come on old lady give me your clothes
You’re a harlot, a bitch and everybody knows
Won’t wait for an invitation to your bed
Pass me your glasses and give me your head!”

Knockety knock “Come in it’s unlocked”
All seems quiet but the tick of a clock
“Granny where are you? Did I arrive too soon?”
“No no dear I’m in the bedroom”

“Why are you in bed? How’s your voice so hoarse?”
“Just a wee cold I’m fine of course!”
“But Granny what big eyes, nose, feet you
Obsessed with size and the wolf is glad

“All the better to…. sod it come here!
Prancing around, you made yourself clear
Dressing like that, flirting with a woodsman
Obviously plain you long to be the victim”

Riding Hood screams, a damsel in distress
Not doing much for feminism princess
Bloke barges in, axe is wielded
No questions fielded nor answers yielded

“Oh my hero! How can I repay you?”
“I can think of a couple of things you could do!”
“I didn’t mean like that, you’re about 30 years older”
“Right, I save your life then you give me the cold shoulder?

“A word of advice, you should take it if you please
Don’t prance around wearing red like a tease
Don’t you know that a man is weak and can’t take it
It’s birds like you who flaunt it and fake it

“Us men can’t control it like you can
Your reckless ways have killed your gran
How many PSAs do you need to understand?
Women are to blame for the flaws of man”


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