I don’t take sugar or milk in my coffee
Have no clue of the meaning of TOWIE
Didn’t even realise that it’s an acronym
Spend twelve hours every week at the gym

Won’t eat gluten and a closet vegetarian
Agnostic atheist raised presbyterian
Don’t shop in Zara, M&S or H&M
Endless parties, never the hen

Don’t offer me sushi unless we’re in Japan
Refuse a Guinness been poured from a can
Anything other than strawberry jam
Love South East Asia but not Thailand

Reject my bed unless way after eleven
Never have I woken up before seven
Believe in a god of some sort but not heaven
No British wine ‘less produced in Devon

Addicted to tea but not morning breakfast
Lip balm application every quarter hour a must
In the right circles remember to and not to cuss
Always make sure to hide your lust

Positivity a no no
Whatever you do
Can’t recall how many people I’ve screwed
Be sure somebody’s listening
I don’t care who

Because all of these things make me better than you

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